So this post may have a bit of a sad feeling along with it, as my husband is deploying in less than 2 weeks! I don't know how to feel. The last time he left was over 4 years ago and I cried for days after he was gone. He was only gone for 3 months that time! I just can't fathom the implications of this deployment. Its hard to explain the feeling of knowing that he will be gone for at least 6-7 months before we see him again... Many ask me 'how do you do it?' and the truth is that I don't know - I just float through everyday trying to stay busy and hide my true sorrow, only allowing myself to cry when Im alone at night. I have to be strong for my babies. Im not looking forward to how they react to daddy not coming home for so long.
In all this, I don't feel bad for ME so much as I feel bad for HIM. I know what he's going to do, Ive been there and done it. I feel bad for all the hard times he will encounter, the weight of his gear, the extreme heat, the lack of good food he will have, the fact that he will have to listen to his children over a phone and maybe get to see them on a webcam and get to listen to me complain about their actions and how aggravated I may be with any 1 of them... So many things he will have to endure that make me even more sad about the situation.
Thankfully I have a couple of great friends that are so awesome! I am lucky to have them in my life and they are the ones who will help the kids and I get through this time without Jared here. They help to keep me busy and I can trust them with my kids when I have an appointment or something which is so completely great!
Every song on the radio reminds me that he will be leaving and may return to us in a box, everyday makes me more anxious about the upcoming day which hasn't even been confirmed yet... No amount of extra money can make this deployment 'worth it', not now, not ever! I am just not looking forward to waking up every morning and reminding myself that he isn't coming home after PT or for lunch. Its going to be a loooooong year!
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